La Vida Real
La Vida Real
One of the greatest things about having a blog is that I can just write freely. My prayer is that all of these tidbits from life will encourage you and point you to Jesus Christ. He is through all in and in all and it is amazing to be able to share how he is at work in the daily.
Today was my Sabbath, my teammates and I headed for the hills. The green hills of Orinda. They were littered with new green shrubbery and cow pies. I heard frogs chirping and was able to run down muddy paths toward calves, peace and solace in nature! Life is so rich, God provides me with escapes from the city. But the longer I’m in San Francisco, the more I see that he is also a God of the city. There is a strange sort of presence here, a contentment that sweeps over me when I least expect it, maybe its grace to bloom where he has planted me. I feel myself deepening roots, spiritually & physically. I was running for so long from adventure to adventure, but I feel like this is a season of rest and discovery.
I’ve been thinking about life lately, yes I am a contemplative. My mission leader asked me about a year ago, who are you Martita? I didn’t know, I mean where do you go to find identity. I tried looking deep inside of myself, but all I saw were looming questions and confusion and fear, sin really staring me back in the face. Then I tried looking to other people finding my identity in their approval but that was burdensome because I discovered that I could change like a chameleon to please yet I was dissatisfied. Lately I’ve been asking God, Who am I? and more importantly Who are you? Funny because Moses asked the same and question and God responded, I AM. So maybe that’s where true identity is found in the source of it all, in the God who is secure in his identity. A God whose character I can trust and depend on. Maybe the answer to the question is found along they way. I know I am called to love the Lord and to love his people. I know he moves me and opens doors to specific places and groups of people. Usually when I step out in faith he provides the next clue and I discover a little more about who he is and who I am in him. It’s a grand mystery really. It’s blind stubborn obedience even when you can’t see, and after you’ve jumped off the cliff in faith he removes the blinders and you can see what was hidden before.
Faith, I need that today. A whole year has passed since I came to SF. Through the hard things God has strengthened my faith and stretched it farther than I thought possible. I thought it would get easier to trust but it hasn’t. How many times in the last year did I freak out about finances, about bills and then God came through and provided in amazing ways. A whole year, rent was pd. Every month, I had food to eat each day, I pd. My loans and still had leftovers to share. So why do I freak out and still fail to trust him for today? I want to live differently, I want to live the day, thank him for the day & trust rather than worry about tomorrows. Give me grace Lord. I read an awesome verse: be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances! |