Giving My All To God

Devotional Classics

by Richard Foster & James Bryan Smith

 I’ve been contemplating the devotions in this book and I thought it would be interesting to blog about them and share my honest thoughts with the world!

 Devotion 1: Giving My All to God

 Lord the truth is I fear giving it all to you. I can give you the bad; I don’t want that part of me. BUT it’s the things that I consider good, my hopes, dreams and desires that is where I resist. I am selfish, I want life to turn out my way, SELF still wants to remain in tact! I resist death; our world has a fear of dying.  Letting it all die so that I may live for you is a battle. Maybe I am afraid that in giving all I will have regret, maybe I am afraid that the things you give will be revoked and I will have to return them.

 Lord you told me to count the cost. I feel like I left all, my family in MI, the country that I love, my hobbies, my friends, an income, and my possessions. It feels like just when I regain some or all of it, moving to Chicago and reestablishing, then losing all for you and moving to India, then giving up orphans and ministry that I loved to come home and lose it all again in a riding accident. Then to move to Colorado and regain only to give it up again and move to San Francisco to work with gang members. Just when I began to love it all there, community, friends, church, youth, even life in a city and the love of my life. You asked me to follow you again to Oakland to a land of violence, pavement, prostitution, no church to call home and the prospect of losing my soul mate on the mission field.

 Sometimes I can see your plan God; I know that when you move me I rely on you again. Our relationship is sweetest in the midst of struggle, transition and suffering. But Lord it hurts to let go, to say goodbye. It rips my heart out to love. I lose sleep at night dreaming of those I left behind. But it is true, in dying I do live and I find something more than happiness that satisfies deeper. You Jesus are my joy, I can’t hope in anything or anyone else. You are the only constant in my life. You’ve given me more than I ever hoped for, and you’ve taken everything that I held dear. At the end I am left in your arms Jesus, hoping beyond hope that you are true and believing deep down that it is all valle la pena or worth it.

 Jesus its true what C.S. Lewis says, you aren’t so interested in taking my things, you want my heart. That which is hardest to give. The truth is I want to give it to you, but it so quickly becomes idolatrous. It sees something fleeting a person, place or thing or even a memory and clings to it. I need your power Holy Spirit to break my heart free. I want to be free to love you and your world Jesus. Keep me free of anything that comes between us. At the end all I have is my relationship with you Jesus, keep it in tact. Help me to withstand all of the attacks of the evil one, make me aware of his schemes, deliver me from his lies and fill me with your love and truth Jesus.

 At the end of this devotion I cried and cried tears of surrender. I give up Jesus, it is too hard to hold on to life and you at that same time. My heart longs for you, help me to follow you joyfully, no matter what may come help me to deny myself and embrace you. True joy is you JESUS! Surrender is peace, the war subsides and I lie in your will whole and fully alive for the first time in ages. Sweet surrender!

 Jesus I don’t want the added burden of controlling my own life. I want you to pilot me, to navigate and to be my leader. You always have surprises for me, better than I ever dreamed. I love the people that you bring from every tribe, tongue and nation. When I let go, I gain all. You always keep your promises Jesus. When I left all you promised homes to stay in, new mothers, brothers and sisters and your Father as my Father. You are true Jesus there is no lie in you. Even in Oakland I see your words coming true. You are growing me and showing me what love is. You are helping me make lasting friendships, you are leading me into a new ministry that is more than I had hoped for, you’ve given me a partner and team and a growing network of passionate people who love you. You’ve surrounded me with fellow dreamers who are as stubborn as I am, who refuse to believe that this is all that there is for Oakland and the world. You give me hope and you fuel me to keep on running toward you, not alone but with a great cloud of witnesses!

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