Amor, Amor, Amor
God has been at work in my heart, revealing my sin and leading me back to love! It is a painful process but so necessary. Through a series of recent happenings, our InnerChange Leaders gathering, a group of people that are mighty in prayer and through the youth in our neighborhood I’ve realized how far I’ve strayed from God’s heart and the gospel.
As I reflected, I saw that one of the most joyful times of my life was when I was in India and the reason behind it was because I loved God so much. I was crazy, radical, sold out for him. I was reading about Mother Teresa and I was so touched by the way that she saw Jesus in each person. I tried to emulate her example and, to be honest, it was easy to love those that I was meeting! It was so easy for me to see Christ in each one of my orphan kids; they radiated his joy and presence! Jesus was so visible in the AIDS patients and in the beggars on the street. I couldn’t miss my suffering savior and it was easy to serve him and meet his needs. I felt so full of love in a place where everyone loved me.
To be honest with you, living in Oakland is a whole lot harder. Jesus isn’t as visible as he was before. It is hard to see Jesus in a place where most of the churches have bars or are closed up except for one day a week. It is hard to love the pimps that are selling teenage girls on International Blvd. It is hard to love the prostitutes who are flaunting their bodies at every hour of the day. It is hard to love those who are strung out on drugs and have lost their minds. It is hard to love youth who smoke and deal in the entrance of our apartment complex and trash our stairs. I get so frustrated that there is such a wide and growing gap between the rich and the poor. I am angry about the injustice that I see in a land that claims there is freedom. I am mad at the systems that enslave and discriminate based on where you are from, what color you are, what language you speak and what paperwork you have. I have saddened because I know Jesus is already at work in Oakland but at times he is nearly impossible to see.
God has helped me fall in love with the people and the places he has taken me, but I was hitting a wall in trying to fall in love with Oakland. How do you fall in love with a concrete jungle that is laced by bullets and covered by graffiti? How do you meet neighbors who are locked and chained by fear and who cannot speak your language? How do you listen to youth who are so wounded that they don’t want to trust or love? How do you find solitude in a neighborhood void of green spaces and silence? How do you dream or hope in a place that is so dark and drugged that you can’t seem to wake up? I was trying to muster up everything I had to love Oakland and it wasn’t enough!
When I went to Leaders Gathering in MN I was asked the question, what is the good news (or gospel) for you? How does it apply to your context? What kind of a gospel are you sharing? What is your image of Jesus? As I reflected, it was simply Jesus loves me. That’s my core & my center. I am loved. But I realized that I was not living out of that love. I was sharing a Jesus that was false. I was after behavior modification and creating disciples in my image. I’ll love you if you clean up your act. I’ll love you if you quit prostituting, pimping, dealing and using. I’ll love you if…you change. I realized that wasn’t Jesus style. Jesus simply loved people where they were at and then invited them to follow him. He called them family and introduced them to His Father. He gave them a new identity, purpose and citizenship in a kingdom that was perfect, pure and good. A kingdom of love! He never told the poor and those who were hurting and broken to go and lift themselves out of their problems and pain. His sermons were directed toward the religious elite & the powerful in a society who oppressed those who had nothing. I realized that if Jesus came to Oakland he would probably be directing his sermons at me, telling me to lay down my white power and pride, to pick up the blunts, offer smiles to the prostitutes and to invite the dealers and pimps to a dinner party that He was hosting. Pick up your cross Martha and follow me. I never said it would be easy and you knew there would be suffering involved but its worth it. Resurrection, my kingdom, the gifts of the spirit, they are for the here and now. You don’t have to wait, you can see people healed and set free, you can see a neighborhood resurrected, you can see people of all races band together and become my family. You can see systems that oppress collapse and fall. You can see the poor lifted up, empowered and you can see the youth of this generation follow me. You can see the whore who is my church washed, clean, white, whole, unified with me in perfect union. You can see transformation but it will only come through love. Love is the way of the cross. Love embraces suffering joyfully. Love dares to hope in the face of defeat. Love conquers all! Everything else will pass away, but my love will never, ever fail.
I realized that all of the good things I was doing: being a wife, a neighbor, a missionary, a daughter, and a friend were all meaningless if I wasn’t doing them out of love for God. Without the love of God I go through the motions but I am tired, joyless, uninspired and selfish. If I am doing everything out of love for God there is an overflow of praise, cheerfulness, life, energy and passion! When I love Him above all and I am aware of His love for me it’s all joy, even the hardest day in the hardest of places! I want to live a life of radical love for God knowing if I do I won’t be able to contain His love for the world and for Oakland! It sounds so simple but it was a radical shift of my heart back to truth, back to love! It feels so good to be free to love!
When I look at Oakland through the lenses of love I see people for who they truly are, precious children of God! I get excited about conversations and divine appointments! I am open to those who interrupt my day and I welcome them into my life! I see the flowers peeking through concrete and I hear birds singing and roosters crowing their good mornings! I see children playing in the yards and I feel hope! I see people who are inviting us deeper into their community and lives! God is at work loving Oakland and the World and He is inviting us to join Him!
Where is your heart? What is the good news for you? How do you like to love God? I am asking you all to keep me accountable; you will easily be able to tell if I am really in love with God or not. If you see me slipping please remind me to return to my Lover Jesus!
I hope this uplifted and encouraged you!
Learning to Love,
Martha Miles
So what’s God been up to?
-Deprika, (a youth we knew in SF) moved to Oakland, had her second child and now is getting married! Praise the Lord that youth are beginning to see the beauty of marriage!
-One of the boys that lived in our transitional home a year & a half ago was asked to leave due to poor treatment of staff. He was suicidal and overdosed later in the year and we went to visit him in the hospital. It is a miracle to all of us that the kid that gave us the hardest time later reconciled and apologized to each one of my teammates and I. He went back to church and found that he has a gift of preaching! He got married in February and invited our whole team to be involved. Mateo and I got to give the toast and our team decorated the hall for Him! Praise the Lord for bringing home the prodigals!
-One of the young men that formerly lived with us in SF now lives nearby us in Oakland; he turned his back on us and God and went back to the street. Recently he has contacted us and told us that he wants relationship with us. He is trying to leave drug dealing behind and wants to start an honest business.
-We are planning a youth retreat with the SF team! We are praying that the youth will join us for a weekend of encountering God!
-I've been taking the BART to my spanish class in Berkeley and I have been praying for divine appointments! God always answers this prayer and sends me people who are hungry to learn more about Him or people who are in dire need of prayer!